For God So Loved the World...

I saw this billboard as I was passing through Menomonie after attending a birth today.  The magnificent reality struck me...I had just witnessed the miracle of a baby being born, and was reminded of the significance of the Baby that God sent...one Who would grow up and become the Savior of the world.  This little baby Jesus became my Savior...and I am forever grateful.

Merry Christmas

On Daddy's Watch

This is what happens when Mommy leaves and Daddy's left in charge...and gets distracted by video games.

Baptized

My Emily was baptized today in the St Croix River at our church picnic.  I get teary at every baptism I attend, but especially one for my own child.  My child who, this past year, has sincerely developed a genuine relationship with God that goes beyond simply following in her parents' footsteps.  We are all born sinners in need of a Savior, and God has worked in her heart to understand this.  She embraces the truth that Jesus died for her sins and wants to live her whole life for Him.  I praise Him for the tenderness I see in her.  Not perfection, mind you, but a softness toward the things that matter to God.  A recognition of her human frailty and a desire to see Jesus honored in all that she thinks, says, and does.

Lord, may You protect this young seed that is already bearing fruit.  May she blossom and grow strong, accomplishing much for Your Kingdom. 

Airbender

Q:   If you were a 4 year old boy wanting to be an Airbender for a day, how would you do it? 
A:   Scotch tape a paper arrow to your head.  For. The. Entire. Day.
Duh.

Birth Made Beautiful

Old news to you Facebookers, but I thought I'd post it anyway--I got my doula website up and running!  (And I did it myself!)  Check it out:  //birthmadebeautiful.webs.com/

Trip to San Fran

Whenever possible, Wade and I try to get away for a night or two, just the two of us, for our anniversary.  A couple of times we've had a baby in tow, and a few times it hasn't worked out at all, but this year we made it happen--kid free--and even FLEW to our destination!  (Gotta love those flight benefits.)

I thought we were headed to Maine, but Wade surprised me and set things up for San Francisco instead.   We packed a fun whirlwind trip into two days and really made the most of it, despite record low temps in the low 50's!  We visited Fisherman's Wharf, walked Lombard Street, rode the trolley cars, and--our personal favorite--rode a tandem bike across the Golden Gate bridge!  We stayed in the historic Nob Hill Hotel and really enjoyed walking almost everywhere and enjoying the local culture.  (Lots to pray for here, folks!)  Even got hit up by the ACLU for money to support all kinds of things that break my heart and make my stomach turn...but that's another story.

A few pics...

14 years, and looking ahead to many more!

Caricature

Yesterday we attended Delta's company block party and had this caricature done of the kids.  The last time we had one done was when we only had two kiddos; Abby was 3 & Em was 2.  Can you correctly label who's who, L to R, top to bottom?

I'm still chuckling as I look at Courtney's calm, serene face here...she was far from it at the time...2 hours past naptime, hot,  & sick of waiting in line for an hour.  As she squirmed and flailed & tried to paw the artist's sketch board with her grubby chubby little fingers, I just kept feeding her cotton candy and chips to keep her still long enough for the artist to catch literally even a 2 second glimpse.  I'd say he did pretty good.  :)

Happy Father's Day, Wade...from your 4 beautiful blessings & your adoring wife!

9:45 pm.  Finally...dishes done & kitchen clean, laundry stain-treated, homework checked, lunches made, stack of school papers sorted for recycling, unnecessary time-wasting school form filled out, living room straightened, baby bathed & nursed, kids read to & prayed with & sung to and put to bed--and re-put to bed (can I just say I had them all in bed by 8:15 but still at 9:30 no one was asleep.  Nathan & Courtney decided to play teddy bear volleyball between their beds, Abby was up with a headache, Nathan snuck out of bed and hid on the stairs for a while, and Emily whined downstairs from her bed wanting to know why in the world I wouldn't come down there again.)  I'm exhausted.  I am finally learning, however, (after nearly 10 years of parenting) not to beat myself up with thoughts of "what in the world did I do all day?"  No, I KNOW what I do all day.  Though many days I don't have much to show for it, this is by far the toughest job I've ever had.  And, added to that, I do it by myself most evenings when Wade is at work. 

Confession:  I wrote this post for myself.  Sometimes it makes me feel better to see in black and white what I did in a mere two hour time span.  Thanks for obliging.

Before the Morning By Josh Wilson

Went for a walk yesterday morning and heard this song on the radio.  I'd never listened to the words before, until yesterday.  It spoke to me.  I'm not sure if there's a "real" official music video to it that I couldn't locate, but I'll post what I found.  Also, here's a link to the story behind the song.  I'm including the lyrics as well. 

Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to

Feel the things that hurt you

If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see

And all those things are happening

To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe

That you still have a reason to sing

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling

It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling

It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends

You know where you’re going

You just don’t know how you’ll get there

So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot

It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory

All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing

Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling

It’s just the dark before the morning

Tonight after supper...

Me:  "Hey, how did Courtney get an ice cream bar?"
Kids:  "Daddy gave it to her.  He does that all the time when you're not here."

A Tribute to My Mom on Mother's Day

The following is what I posted on my mom's CaringBridge site yesterday.

A Tribute to My Mom...

I just got to spend a lovely afternoon with my mom for Mother's Day.  I felt thankful that I could be with her today.  Thankful that she felt up to coming to Hudson to visit, thankful our family could be together, thankful to enjoy good food, sunshine, and the nicer weather after a few days of cold and rain.

I also wanted to write a little (actually, it's going to be long) tribute to my mom--some of the memories I have as well as some things I am grateful for about her...

Mom, I remember and am thankful for:

• The way you have always loved us unconditionally.  Even when we made choices you didn't agree with, you still supported us and always let us know you were proud of us.
• The many sacrifices you've made over the years for our ultimate good.  Now being a mother myself, I know that many of those sacrifices probably seemed to go unnoticed at the time...but I want you to know they mattered.
• In all my years of various school concerts and performances and such, you always rearranged your schedule to be at every one.  Every one.  I think I took that for granted back then, but I want you to know that it really means something to me that you did that.  You really invested hugely in your children.
• The good listener that you are.  Being an empathetic and encouraging listener is something I value highly, and I have seen it modeled in you.  
• Childhood memories of you reading Dr. Seuss books to me, and playing games together such as Memory, Candyland, Go Fish, Yahtzee, and Boggle.  (You always let me use two letter words and get a head start handicap for scoring when I was younger.  *smile* )  Those same Dr. Seuss books now grace my children's book shelf, and they enjoy having me read to them often.  Honestly, every time time I read one, I think of you and it takes me right back to being a kid.  I also play the same games with my children.  They've heard me fondly say many times  "I used to play this with my mom when I was little." 
• Warm chocolate pudding with whipped cream on top.
• Special new dresses every Christmas and Easter.
• The birthday poems you'd write for us recapping each year--complete with picture sketches, too!
• You tucking me into bed every night.  I remember one night when I was three years old you taught me the Lord's Prayer at bedtime.  I also remember you explaining how God wants us to love Him more than anything else in this world.  As a child I thought that sounded crazy at the time...but you were right.  Thank you for teaching me that truth...for planting the seeds of faith in my young heart and mind.
• Trips to Target on the weekends with the Clark gals.  Living in Waconia, the nearest Target back then was all the way in Eden Prairie!  (And remember, there were virtually no stop lights the whole way there!)  Still to this day, whenever I'm in Target with my kids, I remember how we used to shop until we dropped--and then we'd ask to get a $.39 popcorn in the snack bar.
• How you & Dad took us swimming every day when we were little--sometimes multiple times!  I loved the evening swims at dusk right before bed.  The water would feel warmer than the air and Bria and I would beg to stay in just a few minutes longer.  When swimming made us hungry, I remember having 'Chicken in a Biscuit' crackers, and when we had a garden we'd often get to go straight to it to pick strawberries and pea pods for a snack.  :)

• Family camping trips.  Though we didn't take big trips to exotic places, we had plenty of fun camping at various Midwest parks, and even took some special trips to visit relatives in Washington, South Dakota, North Dakota, and Idaho.  Thanks for taking us, and for all the fun memories.
• When I was 13, you announced to me one day that I would be allowed to wear makeup!  You and Marty Cramer had a Mary Kay consultant come and do facials and teach Christine and I how to properly adorn ourselves.  :)  What fun!
• The patience you've always shown as a mother.  In my own life, I sometimes find I compare myself to you and confess to Wade that "I don't know how she did it...she very rarely seemed to lose her cool."  And I can remember calling you once crying, wanting counsel on how to parent a very young Abby (who is now 9).  You shared with me mistakes you felt you'd made and what you'd learned along the way.  I so appreciated your transparency Mom.
• The wonderful Grandma you are to my kids.  Honestly, I cannot imagine a more attentive grandparent than you.  You listen to each of them with genuine interest in anything that matters to them.  You plan for months ahead of time in order to make their birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays special.  And now, just like you did for Bria and me when we were kids, you come to every show, concert, play or performance that you possibly can and truly seem to enjoy every minute.  We love having you fairly nearby and so appreciate having you so involved in our lives.
• That your heart trusts God.  You walk with Him, knowing that He is taking care of you, and that He is truth.  You have a peace about you because of your faith in Him that enables you to walk in thankfulness each day without living in fear of all the future unknowns.  Thank you for your example.

I love you, Mom.  You mean the world to me.  Thank you for all you have given, done, and been for us over all these years. 

Happy Mother's Day
Love,
Kara Jo

Real Life

My favorite blog posts to read on others' blogs are usually ones where they share from their heart.  I love humor, too, but I gravitate toward simple honesty, transparency, & vulnerability.  That said, I myself have not blogged much over the past few months.  Partly because something went awry with our USB cable and I couldn't upload any pics for the longest time, partly because Facebook has taken over the nation (I've joined in, too), and partly because I haven't had much of substance to say--or much I felt I could or should share. 

I sometimes feel like I just want to blog...but I don't have anything interesting to write about.  Tonight I decided I would try to just write from my heart and sort of journal about where my life is right now.  I don't exactly where this will go...

Last school year (the first half anyway) was one of the most balanced and enjoyable years I've ever had.  I was pregnant with Courtney, and really felt in a good rhythm with the other 3 kids.  I actually went so far as to say I was feeling like it was easy to parent  three!  (I might have had amnesia, though.)  It was a good mix to have 2 in school and be at home with Nathan.   My then neighbor, Kate, and I would have impromptu playdates in the cul-de-sac as her little boy is the same age as Nathan.  I also had my long time kindred-spirit-stay-at-home-mom friend "J" (& her two youngest) around to do life with, too.  We'd do our grocery shopping together on Tuesdays (my most dreaded weekly task) and then have lunch together at one of our houses.  On Thursdays we'd take turns volunteering in our older kids' classrooms at school while the other of us watched the younger ones.  I liked being able to be involved in Abby & Emily's classrooms.  I also liked being able to serve outside my home, at church for LATTE worship and at Woodwinds Hospital as a volunteer doula.  Wade was also working days (had been ever since we moved back from Indiana 3 years ago) so we had evenings together after the kids went to bed--most of the time anyway.  Life felt very balanced...

Oddly, though, despite how great & balanced my life seemed, the last post I did before Courtney was born was about fear.  I was quite candid about my walk with God, and about how I was wrestling with my view of Him.  Was struggling to see Him as the Father Who loved to give good gifts and instead was used to viewing Him as Someone who's always (lovingly) dragging me through yuck to grow me and shape my character--all for His glory of  course.  ;)  (No, seriously, I do believe that it's all to be for His glory...sometimes it can just sound cliche.)  I shared in that February 2009 post that I was afraid of the other shoe dropping, wondering as I was sitting at the Tasha Schuh conference what terrible thing God might be preparing me for next...and yet knowing God doesn't want me to live in fear.

Little did I know at the time, but my fears were correct.  There was trouble brewing.  My Mom was battling a return of her cancer (Lymphoma) that was going to be repeatedly misdiagnosed until it progressed to stage 4 and was finally discovered this past August.  She has yet to be able to hold now 14 month old baby Courtney without pain in her back from the tumors. 
.
My favorite neighbor Kate & her family announced shortly after Courtney was born that they were going to  be moving.  :(  I cried.

Also, when Courtney was about 2 weeks old I found out that some of our best friends would be leaving our church due to a staffing decision (they had been on staff) that I still don't agree with.  For a long time I thought I shouldn't/couldn't talk about that on my blog.  Didn't want to stir up strife or cause division.  But some time has passed, and I want to be honest in saying that it affected me.  Deeply.   It was just poopy all around.  I hurt to see my friends feeling rejected & hurting, and I hurt for me.  It's been quite a loss not to be able to share church life with these friends any more.  Community doesn't feel quite as sweet with their family gone.  Does God work all things for good for those who love Him?  Absolutely.  I know He has and is in this situation as well.  I'm just saying it hurts and that my heart grieves.

Along with our dear friends leaving the church also meant job changes for their family and the need for my dear friend "J" to go from being a stay-at-home-mom to now working full time to support her family.  I lost my weekly pal, the proximity of the friend I most often did life with regularly.  I still get to see her sometimes on Tuesdays (her day off) along with another friend who also has that day off, but it's not the same as having another mom who's home every day--in the trenches beside you, understanding and right there with you.  I do my grocery shopping alone now, and am not able to volunteer in the girls' classrooms regularly this year.

Most recently, Wade started a new job with Delta.  See my post from Feb 28.  He's now working nights and probably will be for the next however many years, unless God does something unexpected (I'm praying).  That means I put the kids to bed by myself most nights, and that Wade and I get very few evenings together.  He's also having to work overtime at his parents' farm--average of one day a week--to make up the difference in pay after the cut he took with this job transition.

I also completed my full certification as a Birth Doula, and have been taking private paid clients in addition to volunteering at Woodwinds once a month.  I really love it, but we're still figuring out how to balance and juggle everything.  Things tend to fall apart a bit whenever Mom is gone!  :)

I have made it sound like everything is bad, sad, or difficult in my life right now.  It isn't.  I have much to be thankful for, and I am still finding joy in life, in Christ.  I love being a SAHM.  I love being a doula.  I love Hudson and my dear FCC community.  I'm thankful for many friends whom I get to see periodically and share life with sometimes.  And I treasure time with my mom, who seems to be on the road to recovery from her battle with cancer.

But, if you've wondered why I haven't blogged much in the last however many months, maybe now you've got a better understanding as to what's been going on in my life.  :)  Oh, and we got a new camera and I'm able to upload pictures again!

Above photo was from a wedding we attended last weekend. One of Wade's long time friends (who was also one of the groomsmen in our wedding nearly 14 years ago) finally tied the knot.  Congratulations Gary and Kim!

How Old?

Today is Wade's birthday.  Happy Birthday, Wade!  Earlier this week as he contemplated the big event, we had an interaction that went something like this:

Wade: "Man, I'm really not liking the idea of turning 38."
Me:  "Honey, you're not turning 38.  You're going to be 37."
Wade:  "Seriously?  Oh, Cool.  That's a relief."

Night Shift Sitter Options?

Wanted:  Babysitters for the night shift...

After 5 years with Pinnacle Airlines, Wade is making a job move to Delta Airlines!  This is something he has wanted for a long time and is glad to be getting his foot in the door.  He starts tomorrow.  Congrats, Honey!

With this change will come other changes...he will be working the night shift (leaving at 7:30 pm and returning the next morning at 7:30 am) with different days off each week.  He will also be taking a pretty hefty pay cut and thus will need to work often at his parents' farm to make up the difference.  (Why is he taking this job, you ask?  Because he has wants to work for a major airline and work on bigger airplanes.  His salary with Pinnacle was almost capped out, too, and though this move to Delta as a mechanic's assistant is initially a step back, his hope is that he will eventually be able to move into a better paid mechanic position once internal hires start happening down the road.)

I also plan to continue taking 1-2 private doula clients per month.  With that I'm needing to re-establish my options for childcare with Wade's new hours.  Wondering if anyone knows of anyone--particularly teens or college age gals (paid) whom I might be able to call in the evening and who could potentially sleep here for part/all of the night if I'm called in for a birth?  Or, does anyone have any other ideas I might not have considered?  

Thanks!

Five Question Friday

I stole this idea from my friend Nikki.  I know it's past Friday, but I thought it would be fun anyway.  Go to http://www.fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com if you want to play along.

Sorry about the ginormous font size here...couldn't figure out how to change it, and decided not to bother.

1. Do you sing karaoke? If so, what is your go to song?

I've never sung karaoke, but truth be told, I've always wanted to.  I have no idea what I'd sing.  Any suggestions?

2. What is your favorite coffee drink?

Hmm...maybe a white chocolate mocha frappuccino.  There's also this frozen blended caramel peanut butter drink at Hudson Bagel & Coffee that I love--it's not on the menu, but there's a gal there who makes it upon request, and just beams if you ask for it. I also used to love Commuter's Cup's Velveteen Rabbit cold blended drink, but now under new management it costs a lot more and doesn't taste the same at all.  Such is life.

3. If you could choose your own name, what would it be?

Actually, I'm one of those rare folks who has always loved their name.  Kara or Kara Jo, I like them both.

4. Were you ever bullied?

Was picked on a little for my nose, and for being a smart "goodie-goodie" in school.  The nose thing bothered me a bit, but the other stuff--not so much.

5. How often do you eat fast food?

Not too often...maybe once a month?

China

Having an Aunt who has spent a considerable amount of time in China, the subject comes up periodically in our family.  Emily wants her Aunt Bria to come to her classroom and talk about China.  And once Abby informed us all that "she's part Asian."  (Got it confused with Swedish.)  Today was another good one.  As Abby got ready for school this morning and admired herself in the mirror she confessed "Mom, I'd like to go to China, but I'd be afraid because with my blond hair they'd be all over me there...and plus there's also those giant bugs..."

I'm speechless.

My Mom

Sometimes life can be more painful than we ever dreamed it could be.  The following is an update on my sweet mom, who was diagnosed with cancer (Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma) this past August.  (Read here for my original blog post.)

Mom finished her round of chemo at the end of December and had been on the road to recovery.  Her January PET scan showed no visible signs of cancer, but we knew we would have to wait for a second PET scan in March to know for sure if there was anything that just hadn't presented yet.  We were hopeful, though, as the oncologist said there was only a 20-25% chance that the cancer would resurface...We hoped she was finally in the clear...

Last week we noticed that she'd had some slight confusion, and this past weekend she ended up in the ER where an MRI was done and showed that the cancer (presumably the same Lymphoma) had spread to her brain.  She had a large amount of swelling around the tumor which had put her at great risk for a seizure.  We are thankful they caught it in time.  Radiation was started yesterday and the oncologist is confident that we should be able to get it completely.  The bad news, though, is that because the cancer spread to her brain (which is not usually typical of Lymphoma), this means it is probably in her blood and will now very likely show up someplace else.  So unless God decides to do a miracle (which He could!), this will not be end of it.  That's scary, to say the least.

I've cried an ocean's worth of tears this weekend.  I am afraid of losing my mom.  She means the world to me, and is so so precious in the lives of my children as well.  Despite my fear I am also completely convinced that God is trustworthy in all of this.  He can be trusted with my mom's life, and also for whatever He is allowing or has planned.  As I pray for healing, I am standing on the promise that He is always up to good for those He loves...her good, my good, etc.  That may not look the way we think it should, however.  Healing may not come in the way we would most desire.  He holds us tenderly in His hands, nonetheless.  He is not distant, but intimately involved in each detail.  And somehow, His grace is enough for today.  Glory be to His Name!

With Hope,

Kara Jo

You can also go to her Caring Bridge site for updates.  (Go to Caringbridge.org, and  login under Judi Knutson, probably without the space in between her first and last name.)

I Did It!!!

As you might know, from my previous post, I've been waiting to get the official stamp of approval on my doula certification.  A couple days ago I received a voice mail from DONA (Doulas of North America--the premier doula organization) saying they wanted to talk to me about my application.  Uh-oh, I thought...I wonder what I did wrong...?  Nervously I dialed the phone to call them back and find out...

Well, I just got off the phone with DONA and the Canadian rep who'd reviewed my application informed me that I am officially certified as a Birth Doula with DONA International!  (She had only called the other day to tell me herself--I hadn't done anything wrong!)  She said my references were "raving;" my certification packet was "wonderfully put together and organized," and that she wanted to steal one of my ideas from my resource list. :)

Yippee--I am so relieved!!!  I did it!!! 
My new title is Kara Jo Prestrud CD(DONA)

Patience is a Virtue

Dear Person who is reviewing my application for doula certification:

I conscientiously completed all the requirements...the births, the papers, the classes, etc., and mailed my 41 page application packet on Nov 30th.  You verified that you received my application and that you would try your best to have it reviewed within the standard 2 month allotment.   You mentioned that you are sometimes slow to follow through and to email you if need be.  I emailed you a week ago and still have heard nothing....so here I wait...on the edge of my seat...wondering if I will be considered worthy of DONA's title and credentials.  :)   No, not really. As I've waiting and attended 4 more births in the meantime, I've realized I am a good doula--with or without the title.  This is a gift from God and a privilege to be able to serve in this capacity.  Lord, please let everything I do be for You and to help point others to You.  That includes being patient.  :)

Children Are People Too?

Nathan:  "Mom, why are there two boxes of Cheerios out?"
Me:  "Well, I'm giving Courtney the rest of this box and then we'll open the new box."
Nathan:  "Oh, cause da other one is eatable for humans?" 
Guess he thought the old ones were fine for his baby alien sister.

Bad

Emily came home from school today and announced with full 7 year old drama and tears "Mama, today was the baddest day of my life!...I can't get the toilet paper to work right (whining & pouting)."
"That's why today is the worst day of your life?"
"Nooooooo...not just thaaaaat!"
"What else happened then?" 
"(scowl)...I can't remember."
Sounds pretty bad.