A Tribute to My Mom on Mother's Day

The following is what I posted on my mom's CaringBridge site yesterday.

A Tribute to My Mom...

I just got to spend a lovely afternoon with my mom for Mother's Day.  I felt thankful that I could be with her today.  Thankful that she felt up to coming to Hudson to visit, thankful our family could be together, thankful to enjoy good food, sunshine, and the nicer weather after a few days of cold and rain.

I also wanted to write a little (actually, it's going to be long) tribute to my mom--some of the memories I have as well as some things I am grateful for about her...

Mom, I remember and am thankful for:

• The way you have always loved us unconditionally.  Even when we made choices you didn't agree with, you still supported us and always let us know you were proud of us.
• The many sacrifices you've made over the years for our ultimate good.  Now being a mother myself, I know that many of those sacrifices probably seemed to go unnoticed at the time...but I want you to know they mattered.
• In all my years of various school concerts and performances and such, you always rearranged your schedule to be at every one.  Every one.  I think I took that for granted back then, but I want you to know that it really means something to me that you did that.  You really invested hugely in your children.
• The good listener that you are.  Being an empathetic and encouraging listener is something I value highly, and I have seen it modeled in you.  
• Childhood memories of you reading Dr. Seuss books to me, and playing games together such as Memory, Candyland, Go Fish, Yahtzee, and Boggle.  (You always let me use two letter words and get a head start handicap for scoring when I was younger.  *smile* )  Those same Dr. Seuss books now grace my children's book shelf, and they enjoy having me read to them often.  Honestly, every time time I read one, I think of you and it takes me right back to being a kid.  I also play the same games with my children.  They've heard me fondly say many times  "I used to play this with my mom when I was little." 
• Warm chocolate pudding with whipped cream on top.
• Special new dresses every Christmas and Easter.
• The birthday poems you'd write for us recapping each year--complete with picture sketches, too!
• You tucking me into bed every night.  I remember one night when I was three years old you taught me the Lord's Prayer at bedtime.  I also remember you explaining how God wants us to love Him more than anything else in this world.  As a child I thought that sounded crazy at the time...but you were right.  Thank you for teaching me that truth...for planting the seeds of faith in my young heart and mind.
• Trips to Target on the weekends with the Clark gals.  Living in Waconia, the nearest Target back then was all the way in Eden Prairie!  (And remember, there were virtually no stop lights the whole way there!)  Still to this day, whenever I'm in Target with my kids, I remember how we used to shop until we dropped--and then we'd ask to get a $.39 popcorn in the snack bar.
• How you & Dad took us swimming every day when we were little--sometimes multiple times!  I loved the evening swims at dusk right before bed.  The water would feel warmer than the air and Bria and I would beg to stay in just a few minutes longer.  When swimming made us hungry, I remember having 'Chicken in a Biscuit' crackers, and when we had a garden we'd often get to go straight to it to pick strawberries and pea pods for a snack.  :)

• Family camping trips.  Though we didn't take big trips to exotic places, we had plenty of fun camping at various Midwest parks, and even took some special trips to visit relatives in Washington, South Dakota, North Dakota, and Idaho.  Thanks for taking us, and for all the fun memories.
• When I was 13, you announced to me one day that I would be allowed to wear makeup!  You and Marty Cramer had a Mary Kay consultant come and do facials and teach Christine and I how to properly adorn ourselves.  :)  What fun!
• The patience you've always shown as a mother.  In my own life, I sometimes find I compare myself to you and confess to Wade that "I don't know how she did it...she very rarely seemed to lose her cool."  And I can remember calling you once crying, wanting counsel on how to parent a very young Abby (who is now 9).  You shared with me mistakes you felt you'd made and what you'd learned along the way.  I so appreciated your transparency Mom.
• The wonderful Grandma you are to my kids.  Honestly, I cannot imagine a more attentive grandparent than you.  You listen to each of them with genuine interest in anything that matters to them.  You plan for months ahead of time in order to make their birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays special.  And now, just like you did for Bria and me when we were kids, you come to every show, concert, play or performance that you possibly can and truly seem to enjoy every minute.  We love having you fairly nearby and so appreciate having you so involved in our lives.
• That your heart trusts God.  You walk with Him, knowing that He is taking care of you, and that He is truth.  You have a peace about you because of your faith in Him that enables you to walk in thankfulness each day without living in fear of all the future unknowns.  Thank you for your example.

I love you, Mom.  You mean the world to me.  Thank you for all you have given, done, and been for us over all these years. 

Happy Mother's Day
Love,
Kara Jo

My Mom

Sometimes life can be more painful than we ever dreamed it could be.  The following is an update on my sweet mom, who was diagnosed with cancer (Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma) this past August.  (Read here for my original blog post.)

Mom finished her round of chemo at the end of December and had been on the road to recovery.  Her January PET scan showed no visible signs of cancer, but we knew we would have to wait for a second PET scan in March to know for sure if there was anything that just hadn't presented yet.  We were hopeful, though, as the oncologist said there was only a 20-25% chance that the cancer would resurface...We hoped she was finally in the clear...

Last week we noticed that she'd had some slight confusion, and this past weekend she ended up in the ER where an MRI was done and showed that the cancer (presumably the same Lymphoma) had spread to her brain.  She had a large amount of swelling around the tumor which had put her at great risk for a seizure.  We are thankful they caught it in time.  Radiation was started yesterday and the oncologist is confident that we should be able to get it completely.  The bad news, though, is that because the cancer spread to her brain (which is not usually typical of Lymphoma), this means it is probably in her blood and will now very likely show up someplace else.  So unless God decides to do a miracle (which He could!), this will not be end of it.  That's scary, to say the least.

I've cried an ocean's worth of tears this weekend.  I am afraid of losing my mom.  She means the world to me, and is so so precious in the lives of my children as well.  Despite my fear I am also completely convinced that God is trustworthy in all of this.  He can be trusted with my mom's life, and also for whatever He is allowing or has planned.  As I pray for healing, I am standing on the promise that He is always up to good for those He loves...her good, my good, etc.  That may not look the way we think it should, however.  Healing may not come in the way we would most desire.  He holds us tenderly in His hands, nonetheless.  He is not distant, but intimately involved in each detail.  And somehow, His grace is enough for today.  Glory be to His Name!

With Hope,

Kara Jo

You can also go to her Caring Bridge site for updates.  (Go to Caringbridge.org, and  login under Judi Knutson, probably without the space in between her first and last name.)

Pray For My Sweet Mom!

This past week my sweet mom, Judi, was told that the cancer she'd beat over 10 years ago had returned. The week prior, we had spent our annual week up at a cabin in Bemidji with my family. My mom had been in such terrible pain that she couldn't do anything all week except try to sleep. She had a terrible muscle pain/bulge in her back that she'd been dealing with for a month or two. She'd been to her family doctor, a physical therapist, and a chiropractor. It didn't occur to any of them to check for a recurrence of the cancer.

We had to wait 3 excruciating days for her to meet with the oncologist, go over the CAT-scan and to know if they suspected the same type of cancer, as well as how advanced it might be. We got good news! The oncologist said he's 95% sure it's the same type of cancer as before--a Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, one they call a "good kind." He said once again that it's very treatable. He started her on Prednisone right away on Friday to begin reducing the size of the tumor pressing on her back muscle and thus ease the pain. (She also has it in several other places). The oncologist didn't feel a biopsy was necessary, and is just starting her on chemo right away on Monday. She'll have it M-F this next week and then rests for 3 weeks. Repeat. This cycle should continue for 6 months, and hopefully no more after that.

Please pray for healing for my mom. For the tumors to shrink to nothing. Also pray for her spirits to be encouraged as she fights this disease. Above all, pray that God would be honored and glorified. Pray that we would trust Him as His ways are not like ours. He sees the big picture and we have such limited vision.

It is normal to feel scared (as, to be honest, I have been and still am) when someone you love faces cancer. But I want to trust in my God--my God Who is big, my God Who is good in all He does, even when what He does is not what or how I would choose.

Our family at White Pines Resort in Bemidji, MN, one week ago.