Amen

                                    AMEN

                                By Adrian Pass

 When I became a Christian I said, Lord, now fill me in,
Tell me what I’ll suffer in this world of shame and sin.
He said, your body may be killed, and left to rot and stink,
Do you still want to follow me? I said Amen - I think.
I think Amen, Amen I think, I think I say Amen,
Look, I’m not completely sure, can you just run through that again? 

You say my body could be killed and left to rot and stink,
Oh, yeah, that sounds terrific, Lord, I say Amen - I think. 

But, Lord, look, there must be other ways to follow you, I said,
I really would prefer to end up dying in my bed.
Well, yes, he said, you could just put up with sneers and scorn and spit,
Do you still want to follow me? I said Amen - a bit.
A bit Amen, Amen a bit, a bit I say Amen,
Look, I’m still not entirely sure, could we just run through that again?
You said I could put up with sneers and scorn and spit,
Well, yes, I’ve made my mind up, and I say, Amen - a bit. 

Well I sat back and thought a while, then I tried a different ploy,
Now, Lord, I said, the Good book says that Christians live in joy.
That’s true he said, you’re going to need the joy to bear the pain and sorrow,
So do you want to follow me, I said, Amen - tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Lord, I’ll say it then, that’s when I’ll say Amen,
You see, I’ve got to get it clear, let’s just run through that again?
You say that I will need the joy, to bear the pain and sorrow,
Well, yes, I think I’ve got it straight, I’ll say Amen - tomorrow. 

He said, Look, I’m not asking you to spend an hour with me
A quick salvation sandwich and a cup of sanctity,
The cost is you, not half of you, but every single bit,
Now tell me, will you follow me? And I said Amen – No, I quit. 

I’m awfully sorry Lord I said, I’d like to follow you,
But I don’t think religion is a manly thing to do.
He said forget religion then, and you think about my Son,
And you tell me if you’re man enough to do what he has done. 

Are you man enough to see the need, are you man enough to go,
Are you man enough to care for those that no one wants to know,
Are you man enough to say the thing that people hate to hear,
And battle through Gethsemane in loneliness and fear.
And listen! Are you man enough to stand it at the end,
The moment of betrayal by the kisses of your friend,
Are you man enough to hold your tongue, are you man enough to cry?
And when nails break your body - are you man enough to die?
Man enough to take the pain, and wear it like a crown,
Man enough to love the world and turn it upside down,
Are you man enough to follow me, I ask you once again?
I said, Oh Lord, I’m frightened, but I also said Amen.
Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen,
I said, Oh Lord, I’m frightened, but I also said, Amen.

9:45 pm.  Finally...dishes done & kitchen clean, laundry stain-treated, homework checked, lunches made, stack of school papers sorted for recycling, unnecessary time-wasting school form filled out, living room straightened, baby bathed & nursed, kids read to & prayed with & sung to and put to bed--and re-put to bed (can I just say I had them all in bed by 8:15 but still at 9:30 no one was asleep.  Nathan & Courtney decided to play teddy bear volleyball between their beds, Abby was up with a headache, Nathan snuck out of bed and hid on the stairs for a while, and Emily whined downstairs from her bed wanting to know why in the world I wouldn't come down there again.)  I'm exhausted.  I am finally learning, however, (after nearly 10 years of parenting) not to beat myself up with thoughts of "what in the world did I do all day?"  No, I KNOW what I do all day.  Though many days I don't have much to show for it, this is by far the toughest job I've ever had.  And, added to that, I do it by myself most evenings when Wade is at work. 

Confession:  I wrote this post for myself.  Sometimes it makes me feel better to see in black and white what I did in a mere two hour time span.  Thanks for obliging.

Real Life

My favorite blog posts to read on others' blogs are usually ones where they share from their heart.  I love humor, too, but I gravitate toward simple honesty, transparency, & vulnerability.  That said, I myself have not blogged much over the past few months.  Partly because something went awry with our USB cable and I couldn't upload any pics for the longest time, partly because Facebook has taken over the nation (I've joined in, too), and partly because I haven't had much of substance to say--or much I felt I could or should share. 

I sometimes feel like I just want to blog...but I don't have anything interesting to write about.  Tonight I decided I would try to just write from my heart and sort of journal about where my life is right now.  I don't exactly where this will go...

Last school year (the first half anyway) was one of the most balanced and enjoyable years I've ever had.  I was pregnant with Courtney, and really felt in a good rhythm with the other 3 kids.  I actually went so far as to say I was feeling like it was easy to parent  three!  (I might have had amnesia, though.)  It was a good mix to have 2 in school and be at home with Nathan.   My then neighbor, Kate, and I would have impromptu playdates in the cul-de-sac as her little boy is the same age as Nathan.  I also had my long time kindred-spirit-stay-at-home-mom friend "J" (& her two youngest) around to do life with, too.  We'd do our grocery shopping together on Tuesdays (my most dreaded weekly task) and then have lunch together at one of our houses.  On Thursdays we'd take turns volunteering in our older kids' classrooms at school while the other of us watched the younger ones.  I liked being able to be involved in Abby & Emily's classrooms.  I also liked being able to serve outside my home, at church for LATTE worship and at Woodwinds Hospital as a volunteer doula.  Wade was also working days (had been ever since we moved back from Indiana 3 years ago) so we had evenings together after the kids went to bed--most of the time anyway.  Life felt very balanced...

Oddly, though, despite how great & balanced my life seemed, the last post I did before Courtney was born was about fear.  I was quite candid about my walk with God, and about how I was wrestling with my view of Him.  Was struggling to see Him as the Father Who loved to give good gifts and instead was used to viewing Him as Someone who's always (lovingly) dragging me through yuck to grow me and shape my character--all for His glory of  course.  ;)  (No, seriously, I do believe that it's all to be for His glory...sometimes it can just sound cliche.)  I shared in that February 2009 post that I was afraid of the other shoe dropping, wondering as I was sitting at the Tasha Schuh conference what terrible thing God might be preparing me for next...and yet knowing God doesn't want me to live in fear.

Little did I know at the time, but my fears were correct.  There was trouble brewing.  My Mom was battling a return of her cancer (Lymphoma) that was going to be repeatedly misdiagnosed until it progressed to stage 4 and was finally discovered this past August.  She has yet to be able to hold now 14 month old baby Courtney without pain in her back from the tumors. 
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My favorite neighbor Kate & her family announced shortly after Courtney was born that they were going to  be moving.  :(  I cried.

Also, when Courtney was about 2 weeks old I found out that some of our best friends would be leaving our church due to a staffing decision (they had been on staff) that I still don't agree with.  For a long time I thought I shouldn't/couldn't talk about that on my blog.  Didn't want to stir up strife or cause division.  But some time has passed, and I want to be honest in saying that it affected me.  Deeply.   It was just poopy all around.  I hurt to see my friends feeling rejected & hurting, and I hurt for me.  It's been quite a loss not to be able to share church life with these friends any more.  Community doesn't feel quite as sweet with their family gone.  Does God work all things for good for those who love Him?  Absolutely.  I know He has and is in this situation as well.  I'm just saying it hurts and that my heart grieves.

Along with our dear friends leaving the church also meant job changes for their family and the need for my dear friend "J" to go from being a stay-at-home-mom to now working full time to support her family.  I lost my weekly pal, the proximity of the friend I most often did life with regularly.  I still get to see her sometimes on Tuesdays (her day off) along with another friend who also has that day off, but it's not the same as having another mom who's home every day--in the trenches beside you, understanding and right there with you.  I do my grocery shopping alone now, and am not able to volunteer in the girls' classrooms regularly this year.

Most recently, Wade started a new job with Delta.  See my post from Feb 28.  He's now working nights and probably will be for the next however many years, unless God does something unexpected (I'm praying).  That means I put the kids to bed by myself most nights, and that Wade and I get very few evenings together.  He's also having to work overtime at his parents' farm--average of one day a week--to make up the difference in pay after the cut he took with this job transition.

I also completed my full certification as a Birth Doula, and have been taking private paid clients in addition to volunteering at Woodwinds once a month.  I really love it, but we're still figuring out how to balance and juggle everything.  Things tend to fall apart a bit whenever Mom is gone!  :)

I have made it sound like everything is bad, sad, or difficult in my life right now.  It isn't.  I have much to be thankful for, and I am still finding joy in life, in Christ.  I love being a SAHM.  I love being a doula.  I love Hudson and my dear FCC community.  I'm thankful for many friends whom I get to see periodically and share life with sometimes.  And I treasure time with my mom, who seems to be on the road to recovery from her battle with cancer.

But, if you've wondered why I haven't blogged much in the last however many months, maybe now you've got a better understanding as to what's been going on in my life.  :)  Oh, and we got a new camera and I'm able to upload pictures again!

Above photo was from a wedding we attended last weekend. One of Wade's long time friends (who was also one of the groomsmen in our wedding nearly 14 years ago) finally tied the knot.  Congratulations Gary and Kim!

Fear

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Preface: I'm wrestling out loud a bit with my view of God. Bear with me while I process. When one shares thoughts like this on a heart level, we always run the risk of being misunderstood or judged. But at the same time, I want to be real. And maybe I'm not the only one who has struggled with having a right view of God...

This past weekend I went to a womens' conference at my church. The speaker was a wonderful, joy-filled, 28 year old gal named Tasha Schuh. As a high school student in Ellsworth, WI, she'd been paralyzed when she fell through a trap door during rehearsal for a musical she was in. Her testimony was wonderful, powerful, and God-honoring. I could hear the sniffles around me as everyone was being uplifted, encouraged and challenged. During breaks I nodded in agreement as all the other women I spoke with were sharing how impacted they were by her story. And yet all I could think was "this is terrifying me." Tasha's story is exactly the kind of thing one needs to hear when going through a really difficult time--it was all about God using bad things for good in our lives, and for His glory. But at this time in my life, it simply made me afraid...and yet I know God doesn't want us to live in fear...

If I may share a bit...I became a believer at age 14, so I've been walking with God for a good 20 years now. And I can honestly say that there have been very few times in those 2 decades where I haven't been dealing with some sort of struggle, obstacle or trial. Maybe that's true for most of us? (To be precise, there have been only two times that I can recall...once was a beautiful time of bliss during the year my firstborn Abby was a baby...and the other has been this current school year. Both have been times where I've really thoroughly enjoyed my life and it's felt balanced, with little or no complaints.) Now, I'm not saying I haven't had joy--or peace--God's been faithful to help me choose and experience both in the midst of trials. I'm just saying I wouldn't describe my life as easy overall.

I can remember once in high school, my dear friend & fellow Christian, Abby, (part of the inspiration to name my daughter Abby) had commented to me that everything was going well in her life at the time--no complaints--life was just running smoothly for her and she was content. I remember being struck by the thought that I had never experienced that--never a time where I could say everything was going well. As a Christian, I knew it was expected to face trials ("In this life, you will have trouble..." John 16:33) but it never dawned on me that God might bring calm peaceful seasons of enjoyment as well.

All this to say, I realized at the Tasha Schuh conference that I am much more accustomed to being in a season of trials than I am of the opposite. Over the years I have become very familiar with perseverance, needing to trust, learning to praise Him in spite of--and even for--the difficult things I've experienced. Some of these difficulties have meant hanging in there over the long haul--years even, when I could see no way out and not much hope of things improving. Through all of this, I am fully convinced of Romans 8:28, that God works all things for good for those who love Him. (In essence, Tasha's message.) I also realized that it's almost become comfortable for me to live in the midst of trials and yet still trust and praise and seek Him--knowing He is faithful.

But what is not so comfortable for me are these rare seasons of truly enjoying balance and good things in my life. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for God to somehow yank it all away. So when Tasha was speaking, I wondered what horrible thing God might be trying to prepare me for next. And yet I know this kind of thinking is not what He'd want for me. Fear is something the enemy would love to use to take me down and distract me from what is actually true about God.

So I'm realizing that I have a lot to learn in order to see God as He really is--a loving Heavenly Father Who loves to give His children good gifts. "Who of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?" (Matthew 7:9) Honestly, I even wrestle with that verse--because I know many people who have asked God for something good--healing for example--and do not receive it. In fact, this same friend Abby that I've mentioned has gone through some excruciating times in her life--especially this past year. A very Jobesque time of losing a child as well as extreme health issues that never seem to get better. I know, I know--healing is not the ultimate good--God's presence is. Heaven is. Life on earth is not the ultimate fulfillment. I'm just saying...

So I've been praying--even over these months where I've really enjoyed my life--for God to help me not to be afraid. To enjoy the many blessings He's given without living in tentative fear of the next bad thing.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him" John Piper

Wrestling...and the problem of pain

"Oh God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live
and in your name I will lift up my hands."
(Psalm 63:1-4)

This passage has been well read in my Bible. I can remember times when I spoke the words aloud through tears. Times when my heart hurt so much I thought I might be crushed under the weight of the pain. Times when I had to remember that God is good, and He had to help me to make a choice to trust Him and praise Him despite how I felt. Times when I cried and raised my hands in the air to Him, just like the passage states, even though the hurt had not yet passed, and I didn't know what God was doing, or how long the wait would be.

This week I have spent some time writing some notes to a few friends who are walking through difficult struggles right now. So many, it seems, are in the midst of great pain or deep questions. Some have lost children through miscarriage or stillbirth, some are in struggling marriages, some in severe financial hardship, some have been betrayed by those they trusted, and the list goes on. With few exceptions, most of the women I'm speaking of really love God. They love His Word, believe He is sovereign, and seek to serve Him faithfully. But it's times like these that can cause even the most devout Christian to question the very core of their faith.

The questions they (& I) have all asked boil down to these:

1) "Does God really love me? (And what does that look like?)
2) "Is He really out for my good?" (And does that "good" refer to only the shaping of one's character and the experience of His presence?)

I have heard each of these women express in their own words that at times it seems like all God wants to do is drag us through crap, one trial after another, just to mold and teach us. I've echoed those same frustrations myself.

Sometimes the truths we've long embraced..."He is in control"..."He works all things for good for those who love Him"...sometimes those true statements can actually seem trite. Have you ever been there? I have.

As I prayed and sought words that would both acknowledge their pain, as well as offer compassionate hope, I recalled times of my own questioning. And to be honest, I still question. Sometimes I still ask God to please clue me in just a bit on what in the world He might be up to in my life.

Boy it can be hard to trust when the road ahead seems black and you can barely see your hand in front of your face. Or when the uphill climb is rocky, hot, & barren with no apparent end in sight. How do we hang on during times like this? Sometimes it's hour by hour, minute by minute. Sometimes we can do nothing but rest in His arms, or even cry out in agony--pouring out all of our questions, hurt, and anger to the God Who knows, and Who is big enough to handle it.

I can say with certainty that in my own life, it has been the most painful times that have taught me the most. It is when I have hit bottom that I have seen that God is enough. It is through walking a painful or lonely road that I have actually found freedom. Freedom in discovering that He ministers to my spirit, sustains me, strengthens my faith and leads me to greater joy beyond circumstance.

I know from my own experience, and from talking with these women, that they are not looking for a Cosmic 'Prosperity Gospel' Genie in the sky. And they understand that God uses all things for His glory. But they are wanting to experience more of God as their tender loving Father, and aren't sure quite what that looks like.

What about you? How do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves you? What convinced you? What have your struggles taught you about Who He is? Do you have any Scripture passages that especially speak to you about this? Please share, for the benefit of your co-strugglers.

The OpinionNater

Alright, I warned some of you that I was going to do this post. AND that it would probably be my longest post ever. So here goes...

If two year old Nathan were to write me a letter about a day in the life, this is how it would go:

Dear Mom, pray for patience today. The morning will begin like this...I will come bumbling into your room with my carpet hair sticking out all over and Bear tucked under my arm and demand to nurse RIGHT THIS SECOND. I'll also insist that you sit up immediately to do so. Upon the granting of my request (after you've required me to calm down and ask nicely) I'll look up at you with my big blue eyes and then wave hello with my little hand. After giving me fair warning you'll get up to take your shower and I'll either scream until you're done or bug my sisters until one of them ends up in tears because I swatted them with my new T-ball set.

When you try to get me dressed I won't be pleased with any shirt you pick out. When offered the option to choose my own, I will kindly live in my race car jammies all day, thank you. Which would be fine except that I'll rip my bib off at breakfast and subsequently spill my cereal on myself. Then I'll get mad and demand that you remove my wet jammies immediately.

When it's time to get ready to leave, I'll refuse to get my socks on. If you pick blue socks, I'll want red and vice versa. Even if I pick my own I'll still complain that they hurt and that they're "buggin' me." And good luck fixing them. It's anyone's guess as to how many adjustments it will take to satisfy me to my foot's content. But then I'll refuse my shoes, too. I may agree to my rain boots, on the wrong feet, though. And my coat...only if I can zip it up myself...except that I don't know how to zip it up myself.

And carseats. I don't like mine. The buckle and harness really cramp my style so I'll be sure and let you know. And the music you pick, mom, I won't like it. But if there's no music, I won't like that either. Once we find a song I like, I won't like the volume. And good luck trying to guess what I want because I get "turn it up" and turn it down" mixed up.

Once we arrive at the store, I want to walk. You'll inform me that I either have to hold your hand or be carried through the parking lot. Given the options, I decide to kick and scream and make a scene. You'll be thankful for the kind elderly gentleman in County Market who says with a knowing smile "stick to your guns, Mom, this too shall pass."

Once we're back from the store I'll now want to stay buckled in the aforementioned once dreaded carseat and not come in the house. Once I'm lured in, I'll insist on helping to put the groceries away. But I don't want to put the milk in the fridge. I think it belongs in the cupboard instead. When it's time to wash my hands for lunch, I'd rather lick the germs leftover from the shopping cart. Don't want to waste a good cold virus I might be able to catch. And when you put the foam soap on my hands, it had better look like a snake. No other animal substitutions will do, mind you.

By the way, when you're halfway through typing this, I'll be sure to hit the off button on the computer and erase the whole thing for you. Then I'll want to climb up in your lap and snuggle.

We might have some good times reading books or doing puzzles, but then the rest of the afternoon will continue along the same vein as the morning. I don't want my teeth brushed before nap. And if I pick the bubblegum toothpaste, once it's already on my brush I'll be sure to scream that I had actually wanted the mint instead. Too bad, you tell me patiently.

Don't even get me started on my diapers. One minute I've pooped and want to be changed immediately, but if it's not my idea, then I don't understand why they need to be changed at all. I'll also be sure to demand "medicine" (ointment) on any imaginary owies I might dream up for random places on my legs. Then I won't want my pants back on either. Thanks for creating the game where I get to at least pick which leg goes in first.

I know my sisters still slept 2-3 hours for nap time at my age. I'm sorry you have to wake me after an hour or I won't go to sleep at night. I'm sorry that I have a hard time staying in my bed and always seem surprised when you put a gate in my doorway after I've attempted my escape. And I'm sorry that I almost always wake up crabby after the naps you have to wake me from.

Mom, with more of the same from me at supper and bedtime, it's a good thing you pray often. I hear you taking deep breaths, counting to 10, and asking God to help you parent me with loving discipline and secure boundaries. Please remember that I am a toddler, and am trying desperately to figure out how much of my world I have control over. I haven't figured out yet that the world doesn't revolve around me, that I have a sinful nature, or that impulse control is even an option. But please be patient, God isn't finished with me (or you for that matter) yet.

Love,
Nathan


P.S. You're right, Mom. It's a good thing I'm cute.

Confessions from Mom:
After my first two kids, I sort of thought I had the parenting thing down--at least with toddlers anyway. (Yeah, go ahead and laugh.) Oh sure, I had challenges with the girls too (like hour long screaming fits), but I don't remember them testing me incessantly on absolutely everything. And I thought we had a pretty good system of expectations, obedience and consequences for the lack of. I'd read all the parenting books--even studied child development in college, and thought I was confident in my parenting style. And I admit, when I'd see other mothers whose kids acted the way I've described Nathan, I'd think to myself "lazy parent. She needs some backbone. Her kids are running the show. She needs to step up and be the parent. She needs to have firm and consistent consequences, etc. etc." While I still do think there are plenty of cases where that assessment is probably accurate, I have also been humbled. It's not always that simple. I am not kidding when I say I often have to pray my way through my days. (Shouldn't it be that way anyway, though?) This parenting thing is hard. On so many levels. And I need God and his wisdom to get us through to the other side! I'm so thankful He promises to give wisdom "generously to all who ask, WITHOUT finding fault." (James 1:5)

Anna Margaret

My heart has been heavy. A little girl that we have been praying for, almost daily for the past year, died of cancer this weekend. (Quite suddenly, without warning.) Her name was Anna Margaret Dahl. She was 3 years old, had a contagious smile, and a beautiful heart for God. We never even met her--simply received a request to pray from my friend Heather over a year ago. From there we began to receive Anna Meg's daily Caring Bridge updates. Never have I been so compelled to continue interceding for someone I've never met before.

Abby and Emily would ask often how Anna Margaret was doing, and Emily was faithful to lead us in prayer over Anna almost every night. The Dahl family and their story really gripped our hearts. It was Anna's dad, Nate, who would write the updates. Such a gift to articulate both the anguish that a parent feels as they wonder if their child will survive, and a magnificent hope in a God that is sovereign and good in all He does. This little girl and her family inspired many to a greater trust in God, and a bigger determination to honor Him in all we do, despite great suffering we may have to endure.

Zach, Lisa, Nate, and Anna Dahl



Last night Abby really poured out her heart to God, asking Him for "no more death, please, for a while, ...first it was Great Grandma Sallie in December, then Kala (my parents' gentle black lab dog) a few weeks ago, and now Anna Margaret." My heart feels the same, Abby. (And I would add to that list, sweet Sheri's dad.) As one of our pastors put it recently, (I'm paraphrasing) "Death is not a natural part of life. There is nothing natural about it. We weren't created for death; we were created for life." But we won't experience the fulfillment and restoration of that until heaven. Come, Lord Jesus.

God in the Detours

This was the title of Pastor Tim Haugen's sermon (re: link, podcast should be loaded soon) yesterday in Church. It spoke to my heart and seemed to be a direct continuation of What Kim Jeffries was teaching on at the women's conference the day before. (See my previous post on lamenting vs. grumbling.)

Where is God in the midst of pain? Many of us have asked that question. Especially when we don't understand how we came to be in the place we're at. We may wonder if God's forgotten us, or if life's seemingly random detours and obstacles are some kind of cruel joke that no one's let us in on. I imagine that the Israelites felt that way as they wandered through the desert. But Exodus 2:23-24 tells us that the "Israelites groaned in their slavery and cried out... and God heard their groaning and remembered His covenant." Pastor Haugen reminded us God leads His people out of captivity, but that He doesn't always lead in a straight line. The Israelites could have had a much shorter journey to Caanan, but God led them on a much much longer path, a detour if you will--for their own good! If He had taken them on the shorter route, they would've encountered war with a people group they were not ready to fight against. (God knew that spending 40 years as slaves had left their battle skills a bit rusty!) He was actually protecting them but they didn't know it at the time.

God also wanted the Israelites to learn to trust Him. He wanted them to "learn to desire Him more than the blessings they sought from His hand." (Quote from Haugen.) This is what leads us to true freedom!

Have there been any detours in your life? Any times when you didn't understand what God was up to, but later you were able to look back and see God's faithfulness and goodness through it all? Having to move to Indiana was one such time for me, as was going through a time of infertility years ago. I planned on blogging about some of that...I guess I'll need a part II (or III)! More later...

Lamenting vs. Grumbling

This past Saturday I participated in an all day women's conference (complete with spa treatments!) at our church. The speaker was radio host/DJ Kim Jeffries. (Anybody remember her from KS95, 94.5 FM, back in Jr. High?) She became a believer a number of years ago and presented some wonderful teaching about our identity in Christ, as well as the stories our lives tell about God and who He is. She identified the difference between lamenting and complaining/grumbling.

Lamenting is all about crying out to God in the midst of our struggles. It's about being real and honest about our pain, but when we lament, we also hang on to the hope and belief that God is good will be faithful. As one friend put it, it means that while we acknowledge a painful situation, we don't camp on the negative indefinitely.

Grumbling, however, is camping on the negative. It involves complaining to the degree that we lose our thankfulness for what God has done for us, and we stop putting our hope in God--we stop believing that God is out for our good. (The Israelites were the example here.)

Lord, in my struggles, may I be one who laments and not one who grumbles! May I be real as I walk through dark valleys without painting a dark picture of God Himself. I can think of a number of friends who are excellent models of this. One such dear friend has been on bedrest as I type.

I think I'll share more about this in another post, but Kim Jeffries had us all do a helpful exercise to teach us how to "give a good report about God" in our difficult circumstances. Yes, I'll write more about that later! Stay tuned!

What Was I Thinking?

OK, for those of you who saw a very long post beginning with locusts (Don't get too excited, Ed) a few days ago and wondered where it went...

I put it back in the draft file for now. It was one of those where I really put my heart out there sharing about struggles and some of the valleys in my journey...and then later looked at it and decided I wasn't sure I was ready to put all that out on my blog. :)

Also, the 2 commenters I had were left hanging in suspense, and I realized they were expecting some sort of great conclusion or dramatic ending (and rightfully so) to the story--neither of which I have. (For those who read it, there will be a part II, though, as there is more to the story.) The journey I'm on is still in progress. I'm still in progress. :) But God is good and He's always up to something bigger than we can see. So thanks for understanding, blog friends!