"Oh God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live
and in your name I will lift up my hands." (Psalm 63:1-4)
This passage has been well read in my Bible. I can remember times when I spoke the words aloud through tears. Times when my heart hurt so much I thought I might be crushed under the weight of the pain. Times when I had to remember that God is good, and He had to help me to make a choice to trust Him and praise Him despite how I felt. Times when I cried and raised my hands in the air to Him, just like the passage states, even though the hurt had not yet passed, and I didn't know what God was doing, or how long the wait would be.
This week I have spent some time writing some notes to a few friends who are walking through difficult struggles right now. So many, it seems, are in the midst of great pain or deep questions. Some have lost children through miscarriage or stillbirth, some are in struggling marriages, some in severe financial hardship, some have been betrayed by those they trusted, and the list goes on. With few exceptions, most of the women I'm speaking of really love God. They love His Word, believe He is sovereign, and seek to serve Him faithfully. But it's times like these that can cause even the most devout Christian to question the very core of their faith.
The questions they (& I) have all asked boil down to these:
1) "Does God really love me? (And what does that look like?)
2) "Is He really out for my good?" (And does that "good" refer to only the shaping of one's character and the experience of His presence?)
I have heard each of these women express in their own words that at times it seems like all God wants to do is drag us through crap, one trial after another, just to mold and teach us. I've echoed those same frustrations myself.
Sometimes the truths we've long embraced..."He is in control"..."He works all things for good for those who love Him"...sometimes those true statements can actually seem trite. Have you ever been there? I have.
As I prayed and sought words that would both acknowledge their pain, as well as offer compassionate hope, I recalled times of my own questioning. And to be honest, I still question. Sometimes I still ask God to please clue me in just a bit on what in the world He might be up to in my life.
Boy it can be hard to trust when the road ahead seems black and you can barely see your hand in front of your face. Or when the uphill climb is rocky, hot, & barren with no apparent end in sight. How do we hang on during times like this? Sometimes it's hour by hour, minute by minute. Sometimes we can do nothing but rest in His arms, or even cry out in agony--pouring out all of our questions, hurt, and anger to the God Who knows, and Who is big enough to handle it.
I can say with certainty that in my own life, it has been the most painful times that have taught me the most. It is when I have hit bottom that I have seen that God is enough. It is through walking a painful or lonely road that I have actually found freedom. Freedom in discovering that He ministers to my spirit, sustains me, strengthens my faith and leads me to greater joy beyond circumstance.
I know from my own experience, and from talking with these women, that they are not looking for a Cosmic 'Prosperity Gospel' Genie in the sky. And they understand that God uses all things for His glory. But they are wanting to experience more of God as their tender loving Father, and aren't sure quite what that looks like.
What about you? How do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves you? What convinced you? What have your struggles taught you about Who He is? Do you have any Scripture passages that especially speak to you about this? Please share, for the benefit of your co-strugglers.
