So we went to the zoo last weekend. My sister, Bria, myself, and the kids. It took forever to get everybody ready and out of the house. By the time we got there it was already time for lunch. Finally we got everyone fed, pottied, and washed up. Got Baby in the Baby Bjorn and we were set to hit the tropics trail. First stop, the turtles, just 10 feet away from the bench we'd been camped on. The kids were oohing and aahing when suddenly I heard a loud, wet "SPLAT." I looked down to see a huge puddle of poop on the ground, as well as spattered on my new running shoes. I immediately looked up to see what kind of animal just crapped on me from the branches above...nothing obvious, and what bird poops that much at once...
Next I hear a rumble in the Bronx...and realize that MY CHILD is the culprit. To my horror, I then see the yellow pooh oozing and squishing EVERYWHERE...down my shirt, down my shorts, all over Courtney's shirt and pants, all over the Baby Bjorn, and--as I'd mentioned, all over the floor and my new shoes. Bria, who gags at the sight of poop, helped me hoist Courtney out of the Bjorn, and there she dangled in all her poopy glory. Time froze. I said I thought I might cry; I had no idea where to begin. We were right in the aisle, too. Mothers were shooing their children to the sides to avoid the neon goo. It honestly looked like puke.
At that moment, Nathan turned away from the turtles and headed toward us. We both warned him of the poop puddle. But Nathan, seeing a great opportunity for puddle fun, STOMPED right in it, now splattering it EVERYWHERE, including on Emily's bare legs and feet. It was all I could do to restrain myself at this point.
Eventually we hauled all of us, poo and all, to the bathroom for a good long wipe down and rinse out. Finally, about 2 hours after we'd originally planned to start the zoo tour, we were on our way. I still had poop stains running in a streaming stripe all down the front of me, but oh well.
It wasn't until later that I realized I never even explained myself when I ran into an old high school classmate that I hadn't seen in 15 plus years. Again, oh well. She's got kids. She's got to understand, right?
I can look back now and find it funny. But honestly, it was not funny at the time. But hey, poop happens. We ended up having a great time, the highlight of which was feeding the giraffes! I'm going to miss our zoo membership when it expires at the end of this month.
So...humor me. Share some of your own best poop stories, please.
9 comments:
Oh man, I can feel your pain! That must have been horrible at the time, but think of the story you'll be able to tell Courtney some day.
You want poop stories huh? Can't think of anything specific except that Jack had this really cute outfit that he always seemed to get poop on. Even if I didn't put it on him until after he'd already pooped. It would always leak out. Don't know what it was about that particular outfit.
I think that's is hands down the best poop story ever.
My most memorable was sitting in a restaurant wanting to gag at an awful smell and also realizing it was my child (6 months old). She was in a high chair and the goo was down the chair and in a puddle on the floor. I still point out her impromtu bathtub when we use the rest room at Paul Bunyans!
I'm with Keithslady. That takes the cake, KJ.
On Thanksgiving, Jeffrey and Kelli Smith graciously invited us over to play games and hang out.
SJ pooped in the car on the way there, which was when I realized I had ONE diaper and ZERO wipes.
Rich said, "Should we stop?"
I said, "No...I'm sure the Smith's have some sort of wipes."
Not so, my friend. Not so.
Turns out, it was much worse than any wipe could have handled. She EXPLODED all over the inside of her snow suit.
Kelli helped me give SJ a bath in their bathroom sink. Thank goodness I remembered to grab her some jammies on our way out the door!
I was so embarrassed!
Oh man. I feel your pain. Once I came downstairs to find little-G and her friend smearing little-G's poop all over each other, and the carpet.
Yes, it makes for a great laugh.
Later.
Yeah, yours is the worst I've ever heard! The tears pouring from my eyes would have been gushing so strong it may have cleaned up some of the mess...
Our best story was at a hotel pool. Sophia had a swim diaper on (which, by the way, does NOTHING for holding in poo). Two other kids in the pool. One mom on the sidelines. Sophie got outta the pool and walked over to me. I looked down and saw a puddle of borwnish/yellow water. THinking it was someone elses mess, I snatched her up, grossed out. A nastay stench wafted. I quickly realized it was coming from her, and there was a stream of poo water running down my leg. Then I saw the trail of little nuggets leading to the pool too... YUCK. Mom on sidelines: giggling behind her book.
Ha! Thanks for the poop stories, guys.
Oh. My. Word. I've had a few good ones, but I truly think this takes the cake, or the poop, whatever.
OK, I remembered. My best poop story was while on a road trip, trying to make it home on 3 diapers. We changed him as we left, but Zack had a really wet diaper, then pooped, so we were on our last one. Thinking we were through the poop, we had about 45 min. to go when the blow out happened. It was EVERYWHERE, including the car seat. After cleaning up, we had to line the car seat with a plastic bag & put a shirt over it for the last little leg of the trip.
Oh my gosh! you did tell me about this but not about Nathan stomping in it! :o Oh my, I remember when Ariana was just a newborn, I was changing her, and had her little rear hoisted up to wipe it, and she pooped and it shot right at my face. Manuel thought it was hilarious. I learned never to point the rear to your head. :)
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