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| Me and my mom |
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| Mom & her grandkids at home in Waconia, MN |
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| Mom, Dad, Kara, Bria. August 15, 2012. (Date was messed up on camera) |
It hurts. Oh it hurts. I think about her constantly. She's on my mind nearly all day long. Sometimes I forget for a few minutes and then relive the horrible realization all over again that she's gone. She's really gone.
Oh, I know death is not the end. I know God's claimed the victory for His followers. I know that to live is Christ and to die is gain. I know she's happy and not suffering. I know Heaven is going to be amazing and that I'll see her again someday. (P.S. I'm reading Randy Alcorn's book Heaven. Love it. He paints a picture based on all that Scripture says, that makes you eager to get there!) But for now I miss her here. And I should, because we weren't created for death.
I get a sinking pit in my stomach, and my heart physically aches each time I remember something special we did and realize we won't get to do it again this side of heaven. We have so many special memories. Much to be thankful for. She was such a kind and patient mom, and such a wonderful grandma to my kids. Always so excited to see them, always eager to listen to them, loved going to their concerts & performances, no matter how small. And every time I called she asked "What funny things have the kids said lately?" And then she'd remind me to write them down.
Here's the link to her obituary. You can read about the amazing woman that she was to the world around her.
It's healing for me to journal like this. I may write more posts about her...things I miss, things I remember...Just ramble on a bit. It keeps her alive in my heart.
As another friend who lost a parent said to me recently, "Let me cry. I feel [her] when I do."
2 comments:
I think about you and your family often and say prayers when I do. The service for your mom was beautiful. Hopefully we can visit under happier circumstances soon.
Yes, it's very healing to write about her. Plus it will be a meaningful gift for you and your children to look back on. We talk about Andy's mom often, so much so that the kids seem to 'know' her (although two were babies and one wasn't born). We like to talk about what she'd have been like if she had shared more with us (like holidays).
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